"Count your blessings name them one by one, count your blessings see what God has done."

It's been 6 days now without Daniel on the earth. I don't know how to stop being sad so I'm going to do as Daniel would do when sad and anxious and I'm going to look at God for direction.

Lord, I pray for you to comfort us and heal our hearts. Thank you for giving us such an amazing man to influence our lives in a way like no other. Please tell Daniel I said hello and I love him and I'm sorry I wasn't there for him at the end. Thank you for your love, Lord. Forgive me for not being as you wish and be with me to direct me down the path you wish for me to take. I love you. Amen.

Grief is strange. I was in denial for so long, then anger, then guilt, then sadness, complete sadness, longing for him to be back, longing for just one more moment together...just one more facebook message, one more text...and there are thoughts of "why, why am I here, why have friends, what does it all matter if you're heart is just gonna break and you're gonna die in the end"...then I think that I realized the meaning to life...it's love you find in another and with another person, it's the connections we make, my relationships are my reason for life.

I've had SO many wonderful waves of friends in my life, I've had my childhood friends, my high school friends, my basketball friends, my music friends, my college friends, my party friends, my Godly friends, my study buddies, and my friends now, my band now, and always, my family. So far, like Daniel, I've lived a full life, it has been so complete because of the ones that I've been around, the ones I've known and Daniel did too. I find comfort in knowing that I have something to live for and always will, and I also find comfort in knowing that Daniel felt like I do right now about the people in his life...he felt fullfilled, complete because of the love and the relationships he had to leave behind.

Daniel said in his blog that "The present is a gift," and it is, though his passing has made my present a nightmare, just one sad day after another. I don't know how to deal with it and I it makes me even more sad to know that I'm making my current friends and those closest to me in the present very sad because I'm not "the real Mia" right now. It's never fun to see your loved ones so sad and I know that so I need to try and figure out how I'm supposed to act around my loved ones and to do as Daniel and live in the present, make "Today the best day of my life," as my dear buddy did.

My sweet sweet Weston, he cannot bear to see me so sad...he really can't. I know he's exhausted. I want to be happy for him. He's worth me being happy. We're getting married in 4 months and all I can focus on about the wedding is what's missing and all the stress and the bad news about the venue canceling on us; I get to marry Weston Hill. Daniel loved Weston, they had alot in common, it's too bad they didn't know one another better. Weston is the perfect man for me. He is a combination of Me, Dad, Cayce (brother), and Daniel (a standard that I also hold); he has faith in the Lord, he plays the guitar like a pro, he's absolutely hilarious, and he loves me...he loves me so much. It doesn't hurt that he's a tall, blonde haired, blue eyed beautiful beautiful man. Oh, AND he cooks for me all the time and it is absolutely delicious. I find Weston more and more precious each day, he is so positive and such a bright light, as Daniel. Weston will pray with me, he prays for me and for Valentine’s Day I got us a devotional book for couples so that he and I can grow in Christ together, and I am SO thankful for that. I never thought I’d be lucky enough for a Godly man, but I guess He had another plan for me. I have so much to be happy about in my present life. I have so many best friends, so many people to love, so many people to love me. Thank you for that, God.

My mother is incredible, she's such a strong Christian, she's an amazing mother, a loyal wife, a hard worker and extremely clean and beautiful. I couldn't ask for a better momma. She's always there for me, she prays for me, she loves me, she's my biggest fan. Mom's sense of humor is absolutely perfect, she get's it; if I find something that I think is slightly funny I will share it with her and she'll laugh until she is crying, literally. I absolutely LOVE that about her. Her laugh is so wonderful and so deeply implanted in my heart. We stay in touch so well, I'm so lucky to have a mom so close to me. Mom's got style, class, poise, though she is SO SO humble that it can be annoying :) How blessed am I for her...I can't even begin to say what all she's done for me. There's nothing like Mom's touch when I'm sick or sad, she'll pet me and hold me like I'm a tiny baby again...it's so sweet, I love her so much. She's planning the entire wedding, pretty much, and I couldn't trust anyone more. I'm so blessed with this mother of mine, what a beautiful person to be my best friend, to be the woman I strive to be...I love her so much.

I'm alot like my mom. People say that I look just like her (though I don't really) and this makes me very happy because Momma is absolutely beautiful, I mean, REALLY REALLY pretty, like really. We are both control freaks who have some sort of strange esp-type gift, we can read people really well and we almost know when something bad is going to happen. We both want to be pretty and thin and super clean, neat and organized, we strive for perfection too much at times but it's okay to try hard to be good. She is SUPER artistic and intelligent, though again, she's WAY too humble to even realize how great she is. Her heart is true, honest, and she keeps it open, she tries to understand people that aren't like her, other religions, other races, etc, and I look up to her for that. We both LOVE rock and roll, men with long hair and anything 60's and 70's - we like fashion and shopping and SHOES :) I might not say this all the time but, my mom is really, really cool. I’m so proud of her, so proud she is my mom.

I'm so blessed to have a mom that can be my best friend, someone who I look up to more than she even knows. I'm also blessed to be able to share our feelings with one another, we tell each other we love each other, I know how much she loves me, and THAT is a love like no other, my mother's love for me...what a comfort, what a blessing. Thank you for Annette Keller, God, for she is the best mother I could ever ask for in this world.

My father is amazing. Though he doesn't attend church every Sunday as Mom does, I know he has faith, I know he has God in his heart, he just doesn't show it like Mom does, he witnesses in different ways, but he touches you all the same. I don’t think that there’s a right or wrong relationship you can have with God, as long as it’s a positive, loving, gracious, thankful one; I think it’s a personal thing and everyone is different…I mean, it’s someone’s relationship with God, who am I to say they’re doing it wrong? I know Dad has God in his heart, I mean, I’ve got Mom’s weird esp-type thing… I can see it every time I look at him. Daniel said that God is in everything, and he is, he is definitely in Mom and Dad, I know this and I’m lucky for knowing this. They are pure good, and though they’re not perfect, they are to me because God gave them to me.

Dad is a wonderful father, he loves us more than anything and again, I'm blessed that he and I can share these loving feelings with him too. Dad is hilarious, if anyone can make me smile, it's Dad. He's a musician and was also an athlete; I look up to him alot because, like Mom, Dad and I have alot in common. I've been called "little Ralphie" and I've also been told that I've been "picked out of [Dad's] butt" many times...although I am still skeptical if that last one is true or not. Did I mention that Dad is a complete goof ball? Not the kind that you laugh at, the kind that is actually extremely intelligent, witty and cool...the kind that you laugh WITH. I've been told that I'm like Dad in this way. I guess I am athletic, musically gifted, and funny like Dad...what wonderful, lucky traits to inherit. I'm so blessed. Dad and I like to sing, we like harmonies...we LOVE harmonies and melodies. He has a beautiful singing voice, though he's too humble to sing much anymore...I think he's just such a big fan of me and my brother Cayce that he'd rather hear us sing, but we should all sing together, really.

Dad knows just about everything...but he's not a "know-it-all," he is in no way, shape or form annoying. Again, I don’t day this much but, Dad is also very cool. How did I get cool parents, isn’t that an oxymoron, “cool” and “parents?” But they’re not “cool” like, “let’s let our 16 year old and all her friends get drunk at the house,” no, they are cool PARENTS, they are wonderful parents. I wish they’d write a book about it and teach some folks a thing or two. Dad is encouraging; he is my biggest fan too. He has never had a doubt of whether or not I am great at anything, basketball, music, work, anything. He’s always on my side.

Dad is also artistic and very creative, like Mom, I guess that’s why Cayce and I are so strange and artsy-fartsy. I mean, who can say that their father (who is not a contractor) built the house they grew up in? Not to mention the fact that Dad drew all the Strawberry Shortcake pictures that adorned my childhood room walls, how special. Mom and Dad may not have ever been rich, but they made sure we had it all and they are smart and talented enough to pull it off! As I said before, Dad knows just about everything, I cannot remember a time when we had to hire anyone to do anything…Dad can always fix it. It’s funny now to look back on how I thought other dads weren’t real men because they had to hire a handy man…luckily I’m like Dad and I like to fix things, and “piddle” as we say. Thinking about Dad makes me happy. He and I are so crazy close and affectionate, I am so blessed and lucky for such an amazing father, a true daddy.

I could go on for days and days about Mom and Dad, how great they are and how blessed I am to have them. It’s funny, really. God has blessed me to the fullest, I cannot think of a single trait I wish they had or didn’t have…they’re perfect to me. I love them, and I’m lucky to know what true love is, what it looks like, what it feels like…and I’ve known from day 1. It’s comforting to know that we’ll all be in heaven someday…together… and I’m SO happy that we have been blessed with so much time here on earth.

Not only could I go on for days about Mom and Dad, but I could do the same about Weston. My heart is swelling with pride right now because of all the lovely blessings I have in my life…and I haven’t even mentioned my brother, the one I’m genetically most alike.

Oh, Cayce. I could go on and on about him too. He is my brother, he is a great brother. All my life I have looked up to him, I have always been crazy about my brother, he’s always been just the absolute greatest in my eyes and I’ve always loved him so much. It’s somehow easier to find his flaws though, I think it’s because I hold him to such a standard, to a “Mom & Dad” standard because he is the closest person I have in this world, being that he is my only sibling and being that…we’re really really close. It’s funny, someone said the other day, “The only thing my sister and I have in common is our skin color,” and my honest response was, “I think that’s the only thing my brother and I don’t have in common.” I am blessed for this…I’m so blessed for this relationship.

Talk about Dad being the only person to make me smile…Cayce’s up there too! I think Weston gets jealous of my love for Cayce, because I am always on Cayce’s side and no matter how hard Weston tries to cheer me up, sometimes it takes Cayce. It’s hard for me to be sad when he’s around, not only because he won’t allow it but because he is my precious Cayce. I talk about him negatively at times because I hold him to that standard, that highest of high standards and it makes me mad when he’s not perfect. I guess I see myself in him more than anyone else so I want him to be perfect as I want to be, but it’s okay. There’s a quote on the calendar Mom bought me for Christmas that I love, it says “Excellence is the willingness to be wrong. Perfectionism is believing we are always right.”

Cayce is…hilarious…a true comic, everyone knows it. Everyone also knows how smart Cayce is, it’s like he got all the good traits from Mom and Dad…well, almost all of them, I’m afraid he may suffer from first child syndrome at times, God love him. Another thing everyone knows about  Cayce (and I say “everyone knows” to show just how true these statements are) is that he is a creative, musical genius and I’m jealous at times. I’m so proud of my brother. I love him so much. I’m so blessed to have someone to love me so much and to have someone to love so much. I am SO blessed.

So, I already feel better…I guess I’m thinking of that song Mom and I used to sing in church, “Count your blessings, name them one by one, count your blessings see what God has done.” It really helps. Daniel and his love and his soul that I felt so close to, so connected with, so in love with, is not the only blessing that I have. Daniel is one of my blessings, and I should focus on the blessings that I have today because like Daniel, they could be gone tomorrow…but not gone forever for “No one ever dies as long as there is someone to remember them and when there’s no longer anyone to remember them, everyone is together again.”

My love for Daniel was real, his love for me was real, our connection was real, the similarity that I found in his soul is one that I am blessed to have found in so many others. Daniel, I’ll see you later, my friend, for now, I will count my blessings and live in the present. I’m thankful for love, for relationships, for the many many beautiful people God has blessed me with in this world.

I have a voice to sing with, I have a mind to think with, I have a heart to love with, I have hands to work with, I have friends and family to have fun with, I have today to make memories with, I have a God to love me, to forgive me, to bless me with all that I have and I will use all that I have today to honor my God for he is the reason for all my blessings, all my love and all the love I have to give. Thank you, God, thank you Jesus. Thank you all.