"The Present is a Gift" - Daniel Helton (aka: Earlton Redbeard)

So, it is the day after we have laid my dear Daniel to rest. I cannot stop thinking about him. I don't grieve well, but I don’t know who does. I hear that anger is a normal feeling but there are so many different forms it has taken. There are very few people in this world who have the “Mia can do no wrong” mentality…and right now I can only think of a handful of people who think that about me: Daniel, Grandmother, Whitney, Emily, and Chelsea. Those are the only people I can think of who just cannot be mad at me, no matter what I do (I’m excluding my parents, brother and fiancé because they have to keep me in check, and I’m so incredibly thankful for them too and their overwhelming love for me.). Unfortunately Daniel and Grandmother are no longer here to take up for me whenever I do something stupid, but they are in heaven now and that is great. But I can’t help but be angry that God keeps taking the people on my side, on my team. But now I want to be in heaven.



I know that sounds strange but when I think of heaven, an eternal paradise, my first thought is the people that I’ll be around. People are the key to my life, I have figured that much out so far. So, when I think of people in heaven I think of who will be greeting me when I arrive…I can only think of a few people and it scares me…I want to be with MY people, I don’t want to have to make all new friends again. (Again, I realize my idea of heaven is crazy). Now I find comfort knowing that Daniel and Grandmother will be the first ones to greet me, and that’s REALLY exciting. I cannot wait to see their faces again, smiling at me, being proud of me again. This doesn’t mean I’m going to kill myself or anything crazy like that, I’m not done yet, I haven’t done enough for everyone else. I really think that Daniel went home so soon because his job was over, he did it, he touched so many people with his love that it was time for him to come home. I'm not ready to go just yet, I must show more love.



I am also finding comfort with Daniel’s words himself, through his blog. 8 posts do not sound like much, but with Daniel, he only needed one to thump at your heart. Daniel said, “The Present is a Gift,” which is brilliant on so many levels, but it has helped me to live in the present, to try and cope with today and just cherish my past memories as they are memories which I have no control over, whereas today, I am in control. I feel that his blog was a way to send us a message, especially me…Daniel knew I wasn’t too keen on religion, not spirituality, I know God exists and I believe that Jesus died for my sins, but I don’t like religion I don’t like church. I know this bothered Daniel, as he tried to get me to attend every church event there was, I eventually told him, “Daniel, I love you, I love God, I love Jesus, but sweetie I’m not going to Encounter (student fellowship at Auburn) with you. I don’t get it, I’m uncomfortable there and I don’t know why.” I think it was the whole “hands in the air” thing and to have worship without a single minor note or chord in the music didn’t click with me either. Daniel accepted this and never asked me again. He got to me, though, he knew he could and he knew he would.



He invited me to go to New Orleans with the church to help clean up after Katrina. I went, of course, because that’s what I believe a church should do, and I don’t think I’ve ever had more fun. I got so close to God, it was such a happy time in my life. I thank Daniel for that. He knew how to get to me. He knew me. I am honored that he named his blog “Earlton Redbeard” because that was my nickname for him and I’m glad he posted a link on my facebook wall to his blog. I feel that he wanted me to know, he wanted us all to know the love and the happiness that he felt. He felt it because of God. We all feel love and happiness because of God; we just take too much credit sometimes.



Today is easier than yesterday, I am glad I can say that, and I thank Daniel for comforting me right now, I thank God for Daniel and for giving me such an amazing Christian friend to care about me the way he cared about me and to love me so purely. I love you, Daniel and I will see you soon, my Earlton Redbeard. Thank you, God.

Too Awake

Unfortunately this is about no dream, no nightmare, but my real life. Today I attended my friends funeral. When I say, "my friend," I mean much more than a friend. Daniel was my constant, he was my positive charge, my high harmony, God's middle man. Sure, when people die it is "so sad, and they were so great and touched so many" but seriously, Daniel did. 

I could type memories that we shared over our 20 years of friendship all day, and I could explain your personality and all your great traits for the rest of my life, but instead I am trying to do as you would want me to do and keep moving forward. This is going to be extremely hard for me because I am not as strong as you, but I will try...for you, my dear.

Daniel said that God is in everything and God is everywhere and He works through us whether we know it or not. Daniel wouldn't just say these things and be done with it, he would run with it and explain it all in depth to prove to you that it's true. He was so right. He was so right about so many things. God worked through Daniel more so than I have seen it before, Daniel is why I wanted to be baptized. I wanted to be happy and loved like Daniel because he had it all. He was smart enough to know how to witness to different people. He knew me very well, and he knew exactly how to witness to me...through actions alone...simply leading by example. 

I love you, Daniel. I don't know what you're doing right now in heaven but I know you're smiling, because I knew that when you were here. You smiled with your whole mouth and I will miss that smile so much. I'll see you later, alligator. 

Love, 

Your Sister in Christ